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Got fucked up.

Well, the thing is I usually am on Twitter but I don't know, I needed some space and a new identity. So I created this blog and that's pretty much it. This has been by far the worst day of my life, or maybe I just feel like it. Twitter usually cures it and so does she, but one doesn't work without the other so yeah. I just fucked up the fraction I had of her by doing the one thing I promised I never would. This is like twenty percent sad, fifty persent bad and a one hundred percent depressing. I don't want people to know about this but at the same time I do crave for attention. The thing is she is off to studying and I am supposed to be too, but I can't, not in this state. And I should tell you about my state, I have slept like 7 hours in the last 48 or maybe more. I haven't eaten properly either, relying heavily on drinks for survival. I mean, she is alright but I am not and I don't know why but I feel so guilty. I told her right away but still ... It is fucked up. Worst day of my life I guess. I don't know, I really don't know. I feel like creating a new beginning and I might. I want to hug the shit out of her so I know I can be fine once again too. I feel too helpless right now. I haven't done anything productive in the last 40 odd hours and I failed at that one thing I was a master at and which made me happy - making her happy, so it is hell depressing. I know I shouldn't be simaltaneously blogging about him but I don't know any other way to take this burden off of me, I tried telling a friend and what not. I tried talking to her but she's busy and I feel like constantly bugging her when she doesn't want to be. I feel like I commited the biggest mistake of my life, I feel like I ate the that apple Hazrat Adam did and was thrown out of heaven for, I seriously feel like I am thrown out of heaven. Maybe I am a really big sinner, or maybe I am being tested by Allah. I like to think of the latter one. Take care.

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