This is a quest.

This is a post dedicated to the words that speak so truly. These words are from the current book I am reading, Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. Dan is an atheist yet his words and his knowledge is beyond those who are so called followers of a religion today. These words are associated with Christianity and humanity on the whole, so take them lightly and think about them. Read them totally, believe me when I say they are worth it. These words are taken from the chapter number 94. Here we go.... "To those of science, let me say this." He paused. "You have won the war." The silence spread now to the deepest corners of the chapel. Mortati could hear the desperate thumping of his own heart. "The wheels have been in motion for a long time," the camerlegno said. "Your victory has been inevitable. Never before has it been as obvious as it is at this moment. Science is the new God." What is he saying! Mortati thought. Has he gone mad? The entire world

Sipping Mountain dew on the rooftop, staring at the sun rising up just after offering the morning prayers, lost in my thoughts. Cold mornings, colder drinks and coldest feelings. Wondering what I am doing on the rooftop in these cold november mornings in shorts and a t shirt. I am lost in my thoughts. Thoughts that refuse to become reality because of my own negligence. I feel dizzy now, thinking about you. You are sleeping, I love you for that but I would have loved it more if you were with me staring at the horizon right now. But isn't the horizon also like our distance? Seperating the lovers, dividing the Sun and the Earth from each other. I miss you now. I don't really feel cold, just hollow. I desire every sunrise to start with you in my arms and every sunset to end with you in my eyes. I crave every night going to bed with you in flesh and soul and waking up every morning with your body intertwined with mine. And even if you are too sleepy to wake up, I wish that you'

Riding past the heart of the city at 80 kmh +, I felt good; I felt really good. I felt a sense of not being in my senses anymore. I felt a control of not being in control for the first time and I liked it. For the first time in my life, I liked not being in the driving seat; I liked letting my life where the roads lead me to. Maybe this is what drug addicts feel. Maybe this is why it is so addicting. Not having to worry about anything anymore. Maybe this is what people feel when they are falling asleep but they are not asleep even. They are half awake and they are not in control of their body but ironically enough, they can feel everything around them too. The same goes for some medical patients. Maybe this is what morphine, coke, crystal meth and weed does. All of a sudden, I like life more now. This sense of superiority which is in fact not being in control anymore is all of a sudden alluring. I don't know if it is a good thing, but I am definitely falling for it. Leaving my han

I always wonder about why people say that the time after 1 am is the hardest one. And I wonder why people always make confessions during that time. And I always wonder about why people get sad and nostalgic during these hours. I always think about why would you think about a person at these hours when you are totally free, why not when you are totally busy and amidst this busyness of this world? It would just simply imply that whatever you had with whomever the person, it was during leisure and alone time. That would just imply that whatever you had, love, lust, friendship, relationship or I don't want to put a label on it, was weak. The bond you had was weak. Missing somebody at leisure hours is something anybody can do, like literally anybody. Remembering somebody, wanting somebody, desiring something in your leisure time, what's the bravery in that? What's the speciality in that? Why would it make that person happy or at all? There is nothing so outstanding in it. Why w

Our lives are like an empty bottle. Have you ever seen the motion of an empty bottle after you slightly interrupt it's motion at rest? It keeps tilting to right and left after you disturb it marginally. It keeps doing that for some minutes before it gets back to rest and stability. That's our life. Somebody comes in, out of the blue we never expected, we never heard of and disturbs our rest. Somebody comes and owns us. Most of them somebodies don't stay. They leave and then they interrupt the motion, life is startled and starts tilting here and there. There's no stability. It takes a lot of time to get it back to rest and happiness. It is like the basic rule of life. That person changes you forever, changes the way you think, the way you progress and the way you act. The way you make decisions. It all depends on that person. 

You sit there in discomfort, anguish and misery while I wait for you in agony, eagerness and passion. You are so beautiful. I often used to compliment you through metaphors, through comparison with beautiful things, through songs and their lyrics which almost were perfectly applicable to make you almost feel it but it was never enough, was it? I hav often tried to compliment you in different ways, possibly the most beautiful roads I knew off, the most natural scenes I had ever came across but I never did justice to your beauty. You just can not be complimented with any other thing. You complement me. If the grace, allure, delicacy and elegance was only on the outside, I might have done a pretty good job but unfortunately I never saw the faces until yours hit me right in the deepest subsidiary of my heart and I saw right through you. You were crystal clear, like a glass and people walked right over you, under their feet using you like you never deserved to be. You are just.... You. The

A contrast of emotions. Thousands in occurence. A trace of restlessness. The desolation in a room full of students chirping like birds. Trying to hide his pen and notebook, he does not want to be center of any attention. He just wants to be at peace. He's a battle with himself. A matter of odds, a game of feelings and empathy. He does not belong here; not in this chaos of emotions; not amidst this war; not drowning in this state of detachment. A friend talking to him, but the words aren't just getting into his ears. He isn't really focused, is he? He is somewhere else. His mind is somewhere else; a place where only the privileged ones can go; a place where only he and the peace he deserves exists.

Every night she cried herself to sleep. Every day she would be brave and face the world. There was no one to take care of her. She was in the amidst of an endless equation including depression, sadness, no happiness and so on. She was not a person who hoped, she was a person who believed. Truly. She needed somebody to fight with, somebody whom she could be clingy, witty and exasperating with. Those were long roads with no sight of light. Those were deep, dark forests with no way out. She had entrapped herself in a maze created by herself, but no way out. At least not according to her. There was no way she could get out of that dark, depressing maze or to happiness to get in. She was at such a stage, she didn't desire anything anymore. She didn't desire the colors of life. She didn't desire the happiness. She believed she couldn't be happy, little did she know what God had in store for her. All she did desire was to God to make her living easy. She didn't complain.

Last night I was looking into apps to download in the playstore and that's when I came across this really cool and trending app, dubsmash. I wasn't initially interested but I installed it anyway. I made an account and then, made a dubsmash video. Then two, then three and eventually I stopped at ten. Why was it so addictive? Why did it seem so cool? Why would I not stop? Why is everyone using and wasting their times on it? Why? It wasn't that easy, but yet I was using it and getting quite some results, why? Because it seemed cool. Because everyone is using it and it's trending. It wasn't easy, but the fact that everyone is doing it made it fairly easy. There was no actual attraction, except people. We do things we think as cool. We do things people interpret as cool. We do things that'd make us popular. We won't do things that actually matter. Things that actually count. Think.

The night was quiet. Not peaceful, just quiet, filled with some Faiz Ahmed Faiz poetry and it was progressing quite slowly but nicely. He didn't know what was in store for him this particular night, it all seemed like a normal one, except she was away. She had been away for the whole day and he didn't have a single thing to do. But that isn't true at all, he had a million things to do. He could have watched a tv show, a movie or could have read a book. It could have all been a very good timepass for anybody, but not him this particular night. His brain couldn't seem to function properly and he wasn't ready to accept the fact that it was because of her. Wait, I need a coke to continue, let me just get it and I will be right back. Okay, so I didn't have a chilled coke, so got a Mountain Dew inside. So yeah, where were we..? Yes, his brain couldn't seem to function. His body was craving, and his heart missing. The lights were off, the gates were locked,

Woh jiski deed mein laakhoun masarratein pinhaan Woh husn jiski tamanna mein jannat pinhaan. Hazaar fitney tah-e-paa-e-naaz khaak-e-nasheen Har eik nigaah khumar-e-shabaab se rangeen. Shabaab jis se takhaiyul pe bijliyaan barsein Waqaar jiski rafaqat kou shokhiyaan tarsey. Ada-e-laghzisheiy paa par qyamatein qurbaan Bayaz-e-rukh sey sahar ki sabahatein qurbaan. Siyaah zulfoun mein badaaon sa nikhatoun ka hujoom Taweel raatoun ki khwabeedah raahatoun ka hujoom. Vo aankh jiski banaun pe khaliq dey raae Zabaan shair kou tareef kartey sharmaae. Gudaaz jism qaba jispe saj ke naaz karey Daraaz qad jisey sarw-e-sahi namaz karey. Kisi zamaney mein is rah-guzar sey guzraa thaa Ba-sad guroor-o-tajammul idhar sey guzraa thaa. Aur ab ye raah guzar bhi hai dilfareb-o-haseen Hai uski khaak mein kaife sharab-e-sair makeen. Hawa mein shokhi-e-raftaar ki addaen hain Faza mein narmi-e-guftaar ki sadaen hain. Garaz vo husn is raah ka juzu-e-manzar hai Neyaaz-e-ishq kou eik

My eyes hurt. My body aches. My heart craves. My brain begs me to turn it off but I can't. Why? You. That's why. I miss you. I have forgot how to write, what to write, but this one's for you. I wouldn't have returned but I have, this one's for you. This is my limit, my body and my soul's limit. I know I have ruined a lot of things I shouldn't have. Words I shouldn't have said. On an average day a year ago, I would just have dropped into the bed and drowned in sleep, lots of it but now I can't. My soul craves for you at a rate more than a hummingbird's heartbeat which by the way is very fast. I want you to return now. I think I 'need' you. I have never went to such an extent that I ever used the word 'need' for a person but now I do and I am not even doubtful. 

Speeding up my Alto on the University Road, I was driving up to my best friend's home. It was just another day, when the weather started shifting gears. It got a bit cloudy, but nothing spectacular, but of course it didn't need to be. What mattered was that I was going to meet my best friend. I drove to his home and reached in ten minutes. He came out, we hugged each other. Just another beautiful meeting. We decided not to sit at home at once and to drive to another good friend of ours who unfortunately wasn't available. Halfway to that other friend's home, he told us he was out of city so we couldn't go to him. We decided not to go home, just drive and drive to the outskirts of the city. It wasn't peaceful for the usual naked eye, at all. It was all dusty, and awfully busy, the road. There was nothing peaceful as of yet but what was about to follow was kind of spectacular. I was driving and he was sitting aside. We both were having drinks. It was like a dream

So I decided to sleep after all but not before I write this for you people. Oh, who am I kidding, I am just writing this for myself on a public place of course. So, this is kind of a letter and I am pouring myself onto a piece of digital paper. I drown in an infinity hole whenever we fight. I become numb. I start feeling nothing. I am in a deep circle of nothingness. My mind seems to just stop working and pounding hard against my forehead. I don't think things. I can't. I just have to get this out of my friend, and I don't have any other way. Dark, long trees of numbness surround me and I have nowhere to go. I am lost. And there is nobody to guide me, nobody to take my hand and get me out. The only person whom I had expected to be here, with me, in these forest to take my hand and show me the way out is in a forest of their own. This is kind of a vision quest, something that'd show me what I want and how I want it but the thing is my mind becomes too numb to think

This is something I wrote not so long ago. And I woke up with a gaping hole in my heart and a rising pain in my chest. Heavy eyelids, red eyes, tired eyes, arising pain, oh the regrets. These all were the mere regrets of a night. What I should have and what I shouldn't have done. It was merely a gamble which turned out too big. Sometimes the other person's tolerance is the only thing you overestimate. Sometimes you are not that strong like you think. While I write these words, my stomach's misbehaving and I don't know what to do. I finally know the meaning of the phrase 'Crying myself to sleep'. Don't judge or anything but I feel really weak and fragile right now. Like I'd disappear if anyone merely put a finger on me even. Yes, that weak. By far, I mean it, by very far, this is the weakest and most helpless I have ever felt.

And the rivalries continue. The He and She thing continues. And somebody's got to pay the price besides him and her, that is them, as together, as a whole. While she uses every bit of strengh, calmness and stillness she possesses to ignore him, not reply him, he puts ice cubes all over his heart to cool down the warmth, affection and love he has for her. While the brick made walls of her heart still remain intact, his is no more. We know what the people say, 'Boys don't cry', 'Boys are strong', 'Boys are not depressed', but one should see them at 3AM in the darkest part of the night. That's where the real person comes out of the mask holding the person all day long.

A flood of emotions rushed into me. Pain and anger. Sadness and pity. But most surprising of all, hope. That rare kind of hope that actually makes you feel better. That hope helps me. That hope which makes you believe in life once again. That hope which makes you believe that you can shine too, you are a star too. That hope which makes you realize that you are not done.

Sometimes I really wish you'd not sleep like this. Sometimes I really wish that you would not leave me alone like this. Sometimes I really wish that we sleep together and be together. Sometimes I wish there would not be days like these because they make me feel a bit strange. Not that I do not like you sleeping peacefully, but I want to sleep peacefully too. I wish that you had woken up for a few minutes but I also wish that your sleep shouldn't be disturbed so I guess we can call it even. Sometimes I get so deep thinking about things and us that it seems impossible to escape that haunted house of imagination and fantasies. It gets wild. It gets catastrophic. It gets out of control. It almost seems real. It gets me you and ecstasy which is a deadly combination. The only thing it doesn't get me is the satisfaction that is is real because it is not. Sometimes I wish you were just with me, whether sleeping or not, but just with me. With me.

Just a reminder, Farhan Akhtar wrote this, not me. Dilon mein tum apni Betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho Toh zinda ho tum Nazar mein khwabon ki Bijliyan leke chal rahe ho Toh zinda ho tum Hawa ke jhokon ke jaise Aazad rehno sikho Tum ek dariya ke jaise Lehron mein behna sikho Har ek lamhe se tum milo Khole apni bhaayein Har ek pal ek naya samha Dekhen yeh nigahaein Jo apni aankhon mein Hairaniyan leke chal rahe ho Toh zinda ho tum Dilon mein tum apni Betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho Toh zinda ho tum.

I don't see why won't you just text me and end my misery, take me out of this deep hollow hole you've put me into and took prisoner. You know, today just might be the perfect day, and our rebound. It's raining, slowly as for now and the raindrops on my window makes me miss you more. Missing you and this rain is a poem on its own. They don't need any description. Although this rain is one of those where I sit on the chair in the rain with the mobile in one of my hands, scrolling your pics back and forth and the other hand holding a glass of Mountain Dew and I MISS YOU LIKE HELL. I really have no idea where you are right now, or why are you not replying but I sure hope that you miss me even a fraction of what I am missing right now. I am even jealous. I am envious. I am jealous of the stuff that keeps being touched and used by you from time to time. It isn't just me and it isn't just her, it is what we are together that's the exception. It's what we a

Well, the Triple As are here. They are the Samsung Galaxy A3, Samsung Galaxy A5 and the elder of the lot, Samsung Galaxy A7. Beautifully elegant devices I have to say. I am calling them the Triple As. Not short on the starpower, coming from the Korean's garage of luxury devices, having a great worth to the money and metal sides, the Korean Giants sure mean business. All three devices have their duos version. I want to write on each device individually but as I am a college student, I rarely get time for my passion. All three have latest 64 bit chipsets and same high resolution cameras. All three have the 5MP selfie front camera. To be honest with you guys, the baby, A3 is my personal favorite of the lot. It is totally worth the money. Priced right along the Galaxy Grand Prime, it adds the luxury of being smaller(Which in my own opinion is better), having a Super Amoled screen and metal clad body. It costs about 200-230$ and it is totally worth it. Having a 8MP camera with 1080p

This is kind of the story of my whole life. As I said, kind of, for who can understand might be able to decipher me.  So, here we go. Once upon a time, I was absurd, I had no morals and did whatever I want, however I wanted and wherever I wanted. I did not care about anything, literally, not like the wannabes on social networks stating 'My Life my rules', neither like the I don't give a shit types. I actually was like that, and my siblings and parents are open minded, they didn't stop me from anything. I was going through my post matric vacations. I was totally on the wrong track, just with the satisfaction from the blind heart that it was right. I was so blindsided. I was a spoiled brat. I ate what I wanted, there was no routine. But why am I telling you all this? This ain't interesting, right? So let's cut ahead. There came this girl, totally insane, with the right amount of craziness, soberness, beauty. And by beauty I mean, both inner and outer. She was

October 1996, a 16 year old boy gets drafted into the Pakistani squad for the four-team series as a replacement for legspinner Mushtaq Ahmed, nobody knows who he is. He debuts at no. 8 playing as a legspinner against Kenya and doesn't get to bat. The next match is against Sri Lanka, and he's instructed to go bat at no. 3 and just smash and what does he do? He scores the fastest century ever for the time being which by the way doesn't get bettered until several years later. He stuns everybody and shuts up the whole world's mouths. There was that day, and there is this day, he made Pakistan cry today, he made them emotional, sad, depressed and he gave them so much to remember. He gave them uncountable records and not to mention, a legend. Transformed into a bowler, still the bowlers feared bowling against him. Every wicket celebrated in that trademark Boom boom style, whoa. heart emoticon That's Sahibzaada Shahid Khan Afridi for you. No matter what he did

Verses coming out of his mouth while he offered the last prayer of the day at 3 AM and kept thinking about her. His mind had a specific portion reserved just for her so whatever happened or whatever he was doing, he just kept thinking about her and couldn't shift the whole focus to something. It was just another busy day for her, and just another longing for him. She had went to a wedding and he had longed to see her. And when she came back home, God knows how beautiful she looked because he didn't have any words to tell her about her appearance. She was wearing a pinkish dress with almost little lipstick and not much make up either, just as he desired. She had just come home from a wedding and her thoughts were full of their own wedding plans. They both desired each other so much that had it not been Pakistan and this little hypocritic narrow minded thinking, they would have married long ago irrelevant of their ages. This happened every now and then that they both desired

Well, I am going to be off my usual topic of love and her and mobile and life and going to write something on Pakistanis. Lack of Guidance is one of the biggest and most underrated issues in Pakistan. There is no lack of talent, that's for sure. We have a hell lot of a talent but we don't have guidelines. We don't know what to do. Business majors don't know how to do business and go on, working for banks. Electrical engineers don't innovate something, they don't inspire anybody, they just study their shit out and get a degree and then get a job of 40k per month getting bonuses and raises occasionally. Computer majors mostly work basic computer jobs which a kid with a good mind can work too. There are no Pakistani billionaires except the Zardaris, the Shareefs and a couple others. Even the millionaires are rare. Nobody wants to think big. Nobody appreciates art anymore although paintings with almost nothing on them except two colors are sold for basically millio

Bright lights, Ed Sheeran's music echoing in my ears, and eyes on the Twitter and Facebook timeline was how my Sunday started. I never knew it would be so good, Alhumdulilah. I felt so easy to be honest, she was sleeping and I was waiting for her to wake up so she could make my day and my night and my morning. Anyway, I want a BMW 7 series in white. I seriously don't know why I wrote the last line all of a sudden but I am so happy I can merely contain. I don't want to go to college now, college messes me up, college messes my routine up, it plays with my feelings and my time. I don't know, maybe I am worrying too much but I need to score more now. You know, if I need to be a mine of jewels, I need to tear myself apart. My bestfriend said to me the other day that ' Irtaqa ke liye takhreeb ki zaroorat nahi hoti. ' Which roughly translates into 'For development, you don't need to destroy.' This line brought an immediate smile to my face and I don&

Food has lost its taste. Colors have lost their shades. Drinks are just tasteless. Life has lost the colors, it's all black and white now. I don't care about how I look. Appearance doesn't matter anymore. Things that used to matter don't matter no more. Things that I used to seek are knocking on my door and I don't feel like opening. I want to be alone for a few years or days, I don't really know what's happening these days. My charm, humour, love, lust, cheekbones, everything's trying to disappear now. What remains is the numbness. This numbness is killing me, I am not happy. I am seeking what I am not ready to find yet. I want to just run away and go to an island in Hawai and chill for a few days but of course I can't do that. I want to get my focus on my studies or anything productive but I can't seem to do that either. I can't do these things but the reason is what I already know, her. She is the reason, she is the reason of this distrac

Well, the thing is I usually am on Twitter but I don't know, I needed some space and a new identity. So I created this blog and that's pretty much it. This has been by far the worst day of my life, or maybe I just feel like it. Twitter usually cures it and so does she, but one doesn't work without the other so yeah. I just fucked up the fraction I had of her by doing the one thing I promised I never would. This is like twenty percent sad, fifty persent bad and a one hundred percent depressing. I don't want people to know about this but at the same time I do crave for attention. The thing is she is off to studying and I am supposed to be too, but I can't, not in this state. And I should tell you about my state, I have slept like 7 hours in the last 48 or maybe more. I haven't eaten properly either, relying heavily on drinks for survival. I mean, she is alright but I am not and I don't know why but I feel so guilty. I told her right away but still ... It is