Skip to main content

Holding on.

Food has lost its taste. Colors have lost their shades. Drinks are just tasteless. Life has lost the colors, it's all black and white now. I don't care about how I look. Appearance doesn't matter anymore. Things that used to matter don't matter no more. Things that I used to seek are knocking on my door and I don't feel like opening. I want to be alone for a few years or days, I don't really know what's happening these days. My charm, humour, love, lust, cheekbones, everything's trying to disappear now. What remains is the numbness. This numbness is killing me, I am not happy. I am seeking what I am not ready to find yet. I want to just run away and go to an island in Hawai and chill for a few days but of course I can't do that. I want to get my focus on my studies or anything productive but I can't seem to do that either. I can't do these things but the reason is what I already know, her. She is the reason, she is the reason of this distraction. This distraction is one of the worst I ever had. The positivity inside me has almost died a very bad death. Everything's just telling me to give up but I am not going to do that. Giving up was never in my blood. I am on my magical mystery ride, the only difference being that this is black magic I guess. Everybody, everything's just so balanced, just in their place as usual and living gladly. Maybe tonight's the night I lose control and do something I am not supposed to. We all seek attention and love and when we don't get it, we do something highly not recommendable. I am surely ... and I forgot the sentence I was going to write because my mind's been so focused on her and I am so distracted that I am not remembering my words, my vocabulary and my only refuge. Now I am rueful. Now I am regretful. The only thing we ever decided not to have were regrets and I gave birth to those. It will get better, It will be better InShaAllah. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Bottles, empty bottles

Our lives are like an empty bottle. Have you ever seen the motion of an empty bottle after you slightly interrupt it's motion at rest? It keeps tilting to right and left after you disturb it marginally. It keeps doing that for some minutes before it gets back to rest and stability. That's our life. Somebody comes in, out of the blue we never expected, we never heard of and disturbs our rest. Somebody comes and owns us. Most of them somebodies don't stay. They leave and then they interrupt the motion, life is startled and starts tilting here and there. There's no stability. It takes a lot of time to get it back to rest and happiness. It is like the basic rule of life. That person changes you forever, changes the way you think, the way you progress and the way you act. The way you make decisions. It all depends on that person. 
7 comments
Read more

Incomplete..... Just as my life.

I always wonder about why people say that the time after 1 am is the hardest one. And I wonder why people always make confessions during that time. And I always wonder about why people get sad and nostalgic during these hours. I always think about why would you think about a person at these hours when you are totally free, why not when you are totally busy and amidst this busyness of this world? It would just simply imply that whatever you had with whomever the person, it was during leisure and alone time. That would just imply that whatever you had, love, lust, friendship, relationship or I don't want to put a label on it, was weak. The bond you had was weak. Missing somebody at leisure hours is something anybody can do, like literally anybody. Remembering somebody, wanting somebody, desiring something in your leisure time, what's the bravery in that? What's the speciality in that? Why would it make that person happy or at all? There is nothing so outstanding in it. Why w...
4 comments
Read more

Lack of Guidance

Well, I am going to be off my usual topic of love and her and mobile and life and going to write something on Pakistanis. Lack of Guidance is one of the biggest and most underrated issues in Pakistan. There is no lack of talent, that's for sure. We have a hell lot of a talent but we don't have guidelines. We don't know what to do. Business majors don't know how to do business and go on, working for banks. Electrical engineers don't innovate something, they don't inspire anybody, they just study their shit out and get a degree and then get a job of 40k per month getting bonuses and raises occasionally. Computer majors mostly work basic computer jobs which a kid with a good mind can work too. There are no Pakistani billionaires except the Zardaris, the Shareefs and a couple others. Even the millionaires are rare. Nobody wants to think big. Nobody appreciates art anymore although paintings with almost nothing on them except two colors are sold for basically millio...
2 comments
Read more