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Holding on.

Food has lost its taste. Colors have lost their shades. Drinks are just tasteless. Life has lost the colors, it's all black and white now. I don't care about how I look. Appearance doesn't matter anymore. Things that used to matter don't matter no more. Things that I used to seek are knocking on my door and I don't feel like opening. I want to be alone for a few years or days, I don't really know what's happening these days. My charm, humour, love, lust, cheekbones, everything's trying to disappear now. What remains is the numbness. This numbness is killing me, I am not happy. I am seeking what I am not ready to find yet. I want to just run away and go to an island in Hawai and chill for a few days but of course I can't do that. I want to get my focus on my studies or anything productive but I can't seem to do that either. I can't do these things but the reason is what I already know, her. She is the reason, she is the reason of this distraction. This distraction is one of the worst I ever had. The positivity inside me has almost died a very bad death. Everything's just telling me to give up but I am not going to do that. Giving up was never in my blood. I am on my magical mystery ride, the only difference being that this is black magic I guess. Everybody, everything's just so balanced, just in their place as usual and living gladly. Maybe tonight's the night I lose control and do something I am not supposed to. We all seek attention and love and when we don't get it, we do something highly not recommendable. I am surely ... and I forgot the sentence I was going to write because my mind's been so focused on her and I am so distracted that I am not remembering my words, my vocabulary and my only refuge. Now I am rueful. Now I am regretful. The only thing we ever decided not to have were regrets and I gave birth to those. It will get better, It will be better InShaAllah. 

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