This is a quest.

I taste ecstasy everytime your laughter and your breathtaking giggles in between words fill my ears and my body. The past few days I have devoted myself to finding myself but all I have seen at every corner, every turn, every place, awake and dreaming is you, your beautiful smile and those tender hands carrying excessive burden.  You get out of the circle of limits you've created for ourselves once in a while, and that time is my festival, my heaven, my 14th of august, my fourth of july, my new year, my forever and beyond. Everytime I pass through a mirror, may it be in the middle of the night amidst nothing, or in the middle of the day amidst all the rush and everything else in a shopping mall, I see fractions of you lingering through me somewhere. I never thought I'd use the word 'soulmate' for a person, but now I use it because it really does mean something. I am not alone, ever, and maybe that is the reason I enjoy solitude so much. You know the kind of songs that

I'm destruction. I dive deeper into the abyss for reasons not understandable to human minds. I am chaos. She's the order within me. As she paces closer to me, as her breathing turns into a melody for my ears, I warn her, I'm not the person she thinks I am. There's no coming back from this. I'll absorb her. I'll trap her heart and enclose it in my own and it's not an easy place to escape from. I'll hold her in my arms and she wouldn't want to bulge from there. It'd be addictive, I warn her. She's a player of her own and goes along just like every catastrophic love story of the world has ever went on on the basis of raw craziness and pure insanity. I guess that's who we are. 

Call me at 4 in the morning and I'll listen to those ecstatic giggles and possibly drown. Yeah, I'll definitely drown in a giant pot of honey, milk and vanilla, and possibly chocolate since it's your favorite. Your flaws always invited me in, even when my instincts didn't. I knew you'd the best and worst type of addiction the moment I stepped in, but I couldn't pull myself away not because it was so hard, it was probably the hardest but because I didn't want to. Somebody like you only comes once a millennium and the second I stared your smile for just a little bit too long, I knew this is my chance, this is my escape, my addiction and my way out. This is my muse, the walls of my heart sang and when I heard similar melodies from your heart, it was like the fourth of July, like Christmas, like Eid inside me. Everybody was happy, and I still remember how you smiled then and how you smile now. You grew gorgeous every passing seconds and I don't know what wo

We all have our moments, the moments when we crack down, broke open and tear ourselves apart. When the demons, monsters and villains inside flow out and wreck everything. It's not a pretty sight. It's disastrous. I might possibly be the calmest person I've ever known, been through depression, despair and helplessness so smoothly, but sometimes it gets hard. It gets hard to hold off everything I've been holding inside me, tolerating the same torture I go through everday with the best smile on my face and everybody thinking I am the happiest person alive. Maybe I am, a lot of times. I have been called lucky not that I deny it or anything. I am lucky, most of the times anyway. It gets really backbreaking and cruel to carry the burden of that beautiful smile. I have had my fair share of distractions and embarrassingly enough, I have to admit that I have not that upto productive use. Anyway, I am just getting carried away which is one of the principal reasons I stopped

Before you read this meeting, I want you all to know that this whole meeting and scene is imaginary and I poured out every bit of my imagination into this. Thank you. It was all planned. It was scripted as far as I know. He drove out of his garage at 8 sharp as they had planned and God had planned the rest for them. He knew the drive would be the test of his patience and tolerance. There were knots tying in his stomach and butterflies running all over his body. He was anxious to meet her. It had been too damn long. He craved and she imagined it every second. And then this beautiful summer day came. It was hot but whoever cared about it. His hands were still shivering on the steering wheel. The guy who never sacrificed sleep for any person in the world was now wide awake with his heart beating crazy fast in the morning. These moments were rare. This adrenaline was even rarer. His idiosyncrasy and her enchantment was the most imperfect yet perfect match ever. It was amazing how he had

All the while I was angry and ablaze, Allah didn't help me. Nothing seemed to go my way because I was bad like that. I wasn't doing myself justice. I wasn't thinking straight. I kept yearning for help. I kept asking Him for help, but nothing came. I kept complaining why was this happening to me but no answer came. Not a single moment of relief. The bridges kept on burning, the storms kept raiding my houses and everything started fading away. As the misery grew, I gradually ceased caring and started wondering. I was seeking for relief while my own gates were closed. So there I started, opening them one by one so they can be of full use. I left the impatience out in the ocean and let it go. And almost miraculously, the storm passed. Everything was as calm as the ocean, including me. That was my moment, my moment of solace and relief and rescue and what not. Almost on cue the message from God came, "Everything is fine." I just smiled and said my prayers. Only God kno

I had to write something. I have been burning and I need to spit this fire out. Past few days have not been really kind to me, but I do not complain. I am patient, or at least I try to be. I wanted to write a proper letter, to her, and to myself. But then I realized I always consider us a whole so why the individuality now? Dear Hamza, You have been very harsh on yourself lately. You have not been giving yourself the care and the love you deserve and it does not make me content. You have been blaming yourself for things you didn't really commit to and you have been admonishing yourself on acts you didn't realize the importance of. I know you have made mistakes, in fact a lot of them and you have wasted a lot of time recently, but it still does not mean that you start treating yourself like you never did anything good. You need to feel good, eat better and be happy. You need to work enough to make yourself satisfied. Yes, you have been misusing excessive time and you need

So they fought and fought and fought all day. It all started because of a meaningless argument which turned into a big exhibition of anger, frustation and annoyance. She hated the fact that he was almost never serious. He loved the fact that he could make her smile almost in any situation because of that one quality. While almost always, he worked himself out of trouble because of his wit and charm, he knew this time he wasn't getting off so easy. This time, he fought back instead of just holding it in. This time things didn't remain so pretty. So a couple of things were thrown by her which narrowly missed him while he stood there still. He growled back while she screamed. "WHY DON'T YOU EVER GROW UP? WHEN WILL YOU GET SERIOUS?" "WHEN WILL YOU GROW UP AND ACCEPT THE REALITY?" Probably never, he said to himself. Instead he lost himself there and left the home. He took the keys and drove away without looking back once. It was a first. For the fir

With every cough, I feel one step closer to death. I am sick. I am hanging in the third realm, between death and life but it's not bad. It's definitely not bad because maybe I am feeling a little relieved. My head's spinning in circles but as I see things, they don't bother me anymore. I don't want the world to see me and I don't want to see it anymore. The only thing I want to see who remains is you. Now I feel like I was somebody clinging on to a branch of the tree that had already fallen. And now that I've let go, it does not feel that bad. In fact it does not feel bad at all, it feels good, it feels light. I can finally go on, live and live more. I can wander around in the palace that only exists in my mind. The place where there are flowers, gardens, peace and you. The place where these worries, the state of the mind, and the trouble doesn't exist. The place that doesn't even come close to the misgiving this world possesses.

Walking out of one of my dreams,  she stepped into reality, made even reality think twice about its realness.  Her arms, my weakness.  Making extremely beautiful things look absolutely ordinary, her Forte.  Changing different worlds simultaneously, she isn't a human, she's something else.  While even beginning to describe her astonishing physical beauty is even theoretically impossible,  trying to write about her sublime nature,  her inner purity,  the way she thinks and the exceptional soul she possesses is even yet harder.