Riding past the heart of the city at 80 kmh +, I felt good; I felt really good. I felt a sense of not being in my senses anymore. I felt a control of not being in control for the first time and I liked it. For the first time in my life, I liked not being in the driving seat; I liked letting my life where the roads lead me to. Maybe this is what drug addicts feel. Maybe this is why it is so addicting. Not having to worry about anything anymore. Maybe this is what people feel when they are falling asleep but they are not asleep even. They are half awake and they are not in control of their body but ironically enough, they can feel everything around them too. The same goes for some medical patients. Maybe this is what morphine, coke, crystal meth and weed does. All of a sudden, I like life more now. This sense of superiority which is in fact not being in control anymore is all of a sudden alluring. I don't know if it is a good thing, but I am definitely falling for it. Leaving my hands on a bike at a high speed, the adrenaline rushing through your body, the sense of not being in your senses, the thought of letting whatever happens happen, it's addicting somehow. Maybe this is what the Sufis feel when they are whirling in their dance, or when they are busy in their prayers. Maybe I am all wrong, but at the present second, it's the least I care about. I am myself. I am drowning in myself. Maybe this is the peace I was seeking. Maybe this is the emotion I was searching for all these hours.
Our lives are like an empty bottle. Have you ever seen the motion of an empty bottle after you slightly interrupt it's motion at rest? It keeps tilting to right and left after you disturb it marginally. It keeps doing that for some minutes before it gets back to rest and stability. That's our life. Somebody comes in, out of the blue we never expected, we never heard of and disturbs our rest. Somebody comes and owns us. Most of them somebodies don't stay. They leave and then they interrupt the motion, life is startled and starts tilting here and there. There's no stability. It takes a lot of time to get it back to rest and happiness. It is like the basic rule of life. That person changes you forever, changes the way you think, the way you progress and the way you act. The way you make decisions. It all depends on that person.
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