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Moments.

We all have our moments, the moments when we crack down, broke open and tear ourselves apart. When the demons, monsters and villains inside flow out and wreck everything. It's not a pretty sight. It's disastrous. I might possibly be the calmest person I've ever known, been through depression, despair and helplessness so smoothly, but sometimes it gets hard. It gets hard to hold off everything I've been holding inside me, tolerating the same torture I go through everday with the best smile on my face and everybody thinking I am the happiest person alive. Maybe I am, a lot of times. I have been called lucky not that I deny it or anything. I am lucky, most of the times anyway. It gets really backbreaking and cruel to carry the burden of that beautiful smile.

I have had my fair share of distractions and embarrassingly enough, I have to admit that I have not that upto productive use. Anyway, I am just getting carried away which is one of the principal reasons I stopped writing before. I have these moments where I breakdowns. These breakdowns are terribly exhausting, keep me away from sleep and you are the only cure. The distance is sucking the life out of me for nobody else is here to save me from myself.

This night holds a lot of exclusive elements. The Ghazals never end. The pain doesn't either. I told myself I would not write about my hurt and pain again, that I would only write about happy things because nobody else does. I wanted to write about happiness, and happy things but I guess writing is all about feeling and happiness passes in the blink of an eye. Everything has changed. I used to be the most safest person I knew, but now I find myself in the middle of the most uncertain abyss I have ever seen. I will get out, that's the only part I am certain about.

Endings are my least favourite part. Why? Simply because I don't know how to end things. Not my strong suit. So adios.

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