This is a quest.

You know, it took me a year to find the person you always talked about. The person you wanted, the person you wanted to be brought back and the person we fought the most about. I always raged over it. Why couldn't I be enough. Why couldn't you stay with me and spend the rest of your life with me when you always talked about it and said that you wanted to. Why couldn't we actually do the things we wanted to do. Why couldn't we be the people we actually said we could be. I guess, the heart doesn't care what the mouth says. The heart doesn't care about logic or promises or technicalities. The heart just hearts. It does what it is best at, messing up beautiful relations and feeling for people who don't matter or care. It's funny and ironic yet beautiful when you stop judging it and actually think about it. Anyway, back to the person we always used to fight so much about. I am sorry for not understanding you earlier. I regret being always so non-understa...

I have been yearning long enough to follow my passion which is technology in case some of you didn't know. I didn't know how or when to start and didn't have enough resources to start it. Watching these tech bloggers everyday on Youtube, I thought maybe this could work for me too so I said screw it, I'll give it a try. So if you want yo boy to succeed, kindly subscribe to my youtube channel and watch my first video. Thank you so much everyone. Sorry for the bad quality of the video as I had to film it through my phone.

He wakes up totally oblivious to his surroundings. It's absolute silence. Dead stillness. It was a rather beautiful dream, he thinks, because the reality? Not so beautiful. Wishing he'd rather stay in his dreams and his fantastical worlds, he rues waking up, like he has for the rest of his life except when it used to be for her. A book lies half open on his chest named "The Sun is also a Star". It's filled with freakish coincidences, excellent coincidental timing and hopeless romance, everything he is and loves about them(him and her). The main character is amazingly positive, just like our guy right here so the book is going nicely. He takes the book from his chest and places it on the bed besides him. It smells of fresh rain and her presence but she's not here. She has not been here in a while. He remembers how time stood still when he stared at her while she slept peacefully in that bed and his arms. Missing her is inescapable and loving her is inevitabl...

I taste ecstasy everytime your laughter and your breathtaking giggles in between words fill my ears and my body. The past few days I have devoted myself to finding myself but all I have seen at every corner, every turn, every place, awake and dreaming is you, your beautiful smile and those tender hands carrying excessive burden.  You get out of the circle of limits you've created for ourselves once in a while, and that time is my festival, my heaven, my 14th of august, my fourth of july, my new year, my forever and beyond. Everytime I pass through a mirror, may it be in the middle of the night amidst nothing, or in the middle of the day amidst all the rush and everything else in a shopping mall, I see fractions of you lingering through me somewhere. I never thought I'd use the word 'soulmate' for a person, but now I use it because it really does mean something. I am not alone, ever, and maybe that is the reason I enjoy solitude so much. You know the kind of songs that...

I'm destruction. I dive deeper into the abyss for reasons not understandable to human minds. I am chaos. She's the order within me. As she paces closer to me, as her breathing turns into a melody for my ears, I warn her, I'm not the person she thinks I am. There's no coming back from this. I'll absorb her. I'll trap her heart and enclose it in my own and it's not an easy place to escape from. I'll hold her in my arms and she wouldn't want to bulge from there. It'd be addictive, I warn her. She's a player of her own and goes along just like every catastrophic love story of the world has ever went on on the basis of raw craziness and pure insanity. I guess that's who we are. 

Call me at 4 in the morning and I'll listen to those ecstatic giggles and possibly drown. Yeah, I'll definitely drown in a giant pot of honey, milk and vanilla, and possibly chocolate since it's your favorite. Your flaws always invited me in, even when my instincts didn't. I knew you'd the best and worst type of addiction the moment I stepped in, but I couldn't pull myself away not because it was so hard, it was probably the hardest but because I didn't want to. Somebody like you only comes once a millennium and the second I stared your smile for just a little bit too long, I knew this is my chance, this is my escape, my addiction and my way out. This is my muse, the walls of my heart sang and when I heard similar melodies from your heart, it was like the fourth of July, like Christmas, like Eid inside me. Everybody was happy, and I still remember how you smiled then and how you smile now. You grew gorgeous every passing seconds and I don't know what wo...

We all have our moments, the moments when we crack down, broke open and tear ourselves apart. When the demons, monsters and villains inside flow out and wreck everything. It's not a pretty sight. It's disastrous. I might possibly be the calmest person I've ever known, been through depression, despair and helplessness so smoothly, but sometimes it gets hard. It gets hard to hold off everything I've been holding inside me, tolerating the same torture I go through everday with the best smile on my face and everybody thinking I am the happiest person alive. Maybe I am, a lot of times. I have been called lucky not that I deny it or anything. I am lucky, most of the times anyway. It gets really backbreaking and cruel to carry the burden of that beautiful smile. I have had my fair share of distractions and embarrassingly enough, I have to admit that I have not that upto productive use. Anyway, I am just getting carried away which is one of the principal reasons I stopped...

Before you read this meeting, I want you all to know that this whole meeting and scene is imaginary and I poured out every bit of my imagination into this. Thank you. It was all planned. It was scripted as far as I know. He drove out of his garage at 8 sharp as they had planned and God had planned the rest for them. He knew the drive would be the test of his patience and tolerance. There were knots tying in his stomach and butterflies running all over his body. He was anxious to meet her. It had been too damn long. He craved and she imagined it every second. And then this beautiful summer day came. It was hot but whoever cared about it. His hands were still shivering on the steering wheel. The guy who never sacrificed sleep for any person in the world was now wide awake with his heart beating crazy fast in the morning. These moments were rare. This adrenaline was even rarer. His idiosyncrasy and her enchantment was the most imperfect yet perfect match ever. It was amazing how he had ...

All the while I was angry and ablaze, Allah didn't help me. Nothing seemed to go my way because I was bad like that. I wasn't doing myself justice. I wasn't thinking straight. I kept yearning for help. I kept asking Him for help, but nothing came. I kept complaining why was this happening to me but no answer came. Not a single moment of relief. The bridges kept on burning, the storms kept raiding my houses and everything started fading away. As the misery grew, I gradually ceased caring and started wondering. I was seeking for relief while my own gates were closed. So there I started, opening them one by one so they can be of full use. I left the impatience out in the ocean and let it go. And almost miraculously, the storm passed. Everything was as calm as the ocean, including me. That was my moment, my moment of solace and relief and rescue and what not. Almost on cue the message from God came, "Everything is fine." I just smiled and said my prayers. Only God kno...

I had to write something. I have been burning and I need to spit this fire out. Past few days have not been really kind to me, but I do not complain. I am patient, or at least I try to be. I wanted to write a proper letter, to her, and to myself. But then I realized I always consider us a whole so why the individuality now? Dear Hamza, You have been very harsh on yourself lately. You have not been giving yourself the care and the love you deserve and it does not make me content. You have been blaming yourself for things you didn't really commit to and you have been admonishing yourself on acts you didn't realize the importance of. I know you have made mistakes, in fact a lot of them and you have wasted a lot of time recently, but it still does not mean that you start treating yourself like you never did anything good. You need to feel good, eat better and be happy. You need to work enough to make yourself satisfied. Yes, you have been misusing excessive time and you need ...

So they fought and fought and fought all day. It all started because of a meaningless argument which turned into a big exhibition of anger, frustation and annoyance. She hated the fact that he was almost never serious. He loved the fact that he could make her smile almost in any situation because of that one quality. While almost always, he worked himself out of trouble because of his wit and charm, he knew this time he wasn't getting off so easy. This time, he fought back instead of just holding it in. This time things didn't remain so pretty. So a couple of things were thrown by her which narrowly missed him while he stood there still. He growled back while she screamed. "WHY DON'T YOU EVER GROW UP? WHEN WILL YOU GET SERIOUS?" "WHEN WILL YOU GROW UP AND ACCEPT THE REALITY?" Probably never, he said to himself. Instead he lost himself there and left the home. He took the keys and drove away without looking back once. It was a first. For the fir...

With every cough, I feel one step closer to death. I am sick. I am hanging in the third realm, between death and life but it's not bad. It's definitely not bad because maybe I am feeling a little relieved. My head's spinning in circles but as I see things, they don't bother me anymore. I don't want the world to see me and I don't want to see it anymore. The only thing I want to see who remains is you. Now I feel like I was somebody clinging on to a branch of the tree that had already fallen. And now that I've let go, it does not feel that bad. In fact it does not feel bad at all, it feels good, it feels light. I can finally go on, live and live more. I can wander around in the palace that only exists in my mind. The place where there are flowers, gardens, peace and you. The place where these worries, the state of the mind, and the trouble doesn't exist. The place that doesn't even come close to the misgiving this world possesses.

Walking out of one of my dreams,  she stepped into reality, made even reality think twice about its realness.  Her arms, my weakness.  Making extremely beautiful things look absolutely ordinary, her Forte.  Changing different worlds simultaneously, she isn't a human, she's something else.  While even beginning to describe her astonishing physical beauty is even theoretically impossible,  trying to write about her sublime nature,  her inner purity,  the way she thinks and the exceptional soul she possesses is even yet harder.

This is a post dedicated to the words that speak so truly. These words are from the current book I am reading, Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. Dan is an atheist yet his words and his knowledge is beyond those who are so called followers of a religion today. These words are associated with Christianity and humanity on the whole, so take them lightly and think about them. Read them totally, believe me when I say they are worth it. These words are taken from the chapter number 94. Here we go.... "To those of science, let me say this." He paused. "You have won the war." The silence spread now to the deepest corners of the chapel. Mortati could hear the desperate thumping of his own heart. "The wheels have been in motion for a long time," the camerlegno said. "Your victory has been inevitable. Never before has it been as obvious as it is at this moment. Science is the new God." What is he saying! Mortati thought. Has he gone mad? The entire world...

Sipping Mountain dew on the rooftop, staring at the sun rising up just after offering the morning prayers, lost in my thoughts. Cold mornings, colder drinks and coldest feelings. Wondering what I am doing on the rooftop in these cold november mornings in shorts and a t shirt. I am lost in my thoughts. Thoughts that refuse to become reality because of my own negligence. I feel dizzy now, thinking about you. You are sleeping, I love you for that but I would have loved it more if you were with me staring at the horizon right now. But isn't the horizon also like our distance? Seperating the lovers, dividing the Sun and the Earth from each other. I miss you now. I don't really feel cold, just hollow. I desire every sunrise to start with you in my arms and every sunset to end with you in my eyes. I crave every night going to bed with you in flesh and soul and waking up every morning with your body intertwined with mine. And even if you are too sleepy to wake up, I wish that you'...

Riding past the heart of the city at 80 kmh +, I felt good; I felt really good. I felt a sense of not being in my senses anymore. I felt a control of not being in control for the first time and I liked it. For the first time in my life, I liked not being in the driving seat; I liked letting my life where the roads lead me to. Maybe this is what drug addicts feel. Maybe this is why it is so addicting. Not having to worry about anything anymore. Maybe this is what people feel when they are falling asleep but they are not asleep even. They are half awake and they are not in control of their body but ironically enough, they can feel everything around them too. The same goes for some medical patients. Maybe this is what morphine, coke, crystal meth and weed does. All of a sudden, I like life more now. This sense of superiority which is in fact not being in control anymore is all of a sudden alluring. I don't know if it is a good thing, but I am definitely falling for it. Leaving my han...

I always wonder about why people say that the time after 1 am is the hardest one. And I wonder why people always make confessions during that time. And I always wonder about why people get sad and nostalgic during these hours. I always think about why would you think about a person at these hours when you are totally free, why not when you are totally busy and amidst this busyness of this world? It would just simply imply that whatever you had with whomever the person, it was during leisure and alone time. That would just imply that whatever you had, love, lust, friendship, relationship or I don't want to put a label on it, was weak. The bond you had was weak. Missing somebody at leisure hours is something anybody can do, like literally anybody. Remembering somebody, wanting somebody, desiring something in your leisure time, what's the bravery in that? What's the speciality in that? Why would it make that person happy or at all? There is nothing so outstanding in it. Why w...

Our lives are like an empty bottle. Have you ever seen the motion of an empty bottle after you slightly interrupt it's motion at rest? It keeps tilting to right and left after you disturb it marginally. It keeps doing that for some minutes before it gets back to rest and stability. That's our life. Somebody comes in, out of the blue we never expected, we never heard of and disturbs our rest. Somebody comes and owns us. Most of them somebodies don't stay. They leave and then they interrupt the motion, life is startled and starts tilting here and there. There's no stability. It takes a lot of time to get it back to rest and happiness. It is like the basic rule of life. That person changes you forever, changes the way you think, the way you progress and the way you act. The way you make decisions. It all depends on that person. 

You sit there in discomfort, anguish and misery while I wait for you in agony, eagerness and passion. You are so beautiful. I often used to compliment you through metaphors, through comparison with beautiful things, through songs and their lyrics which almost were perfectly applicable to make you almost feel it but it was never enough, was it? I hav often tried to compliment you in different ways, possibly the most beautiful roads I knew off, the most natural scenes I had ever came across but I never did justice to your beauty. You just can not be complimented with any other thing. You complement me. If the grace, allure, delicacy and elegance was only on the outside, I might have done a pretty good job but unfortunately I never saw the faces until yours hit me right in the deepest subsidiary of my heart and I saw right through you. You were crystal clear, like a glass and people walked right over you, under their feet using you like you never deserved to be. You are just.... You. The...

A contrast of emotions. Thousands in occurence. A trace of restlessness. The desolation in a room full of students chirping like birds. Trying to hide his pen and notebook, he does not want to be center of any attention. He just wants to be at peace. He's a battle with himself. A matter of odds, a game of feelings and empathy. He does not belong here; not in this chaos of emotions; not amidst this war; not drowning in this state of detachment. A friend talking to him, but the words aren't just getting into his ears. He isn't really focused, is he? He is somewhere else. His mind is somewhere else; a place where only the privileged ones can go; a place where only he and the peace he deserves exists.