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A letter.

I had to write something. I have been burning and I need to spit this fire out. Past few days have not been really kind to me, but I do not complain. I am patient, or at least I try to be. I wanted to write a proper letter, to her, and to myself. But then I realized I always consider us a whole so why the individuality now?


Dear Hamza,

You have been very harsh on yourself lately. You have not been giving yourself the care and the love you deserve and it does not make me content. You have been blaming yourself for things you didn't really commit to and you have been admonishing yourself on acts you didn't realize the importance of. I know you have made mistakes, in fact a lot of them and you have wasted a lot of time recently, but it still does not mean that you start treating yourself like you never did anything good. You need to feel good, eat better and be happy. You need to work enough to make yourself satisfied. Yes, you have been misusing excessive time and you need to learn, but it is not the end of the world.

“Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time.” 
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

There are second chances, and thirds and so on. As long as you are breathing, every passing moment is an opportunity and every passing second a chance to do something. Now's not the time to let yourself down. Now's not the time to be depressed.

The second part of this letter is to, obviously, the other half of mine. Hii. I really wonder what do I say or do but I always manage to screw everything up. I always manage to do something that hurts you and I don't know what's wrong with me, really. Maybe it's the fact that I am going through a tough time right now, but I am not going to blame it on anything else except myself. I am responsible for it. I make choices that are not near right. Bear with me, stay with me, I promise it'll be worth it. I know I have been caught in these blazed fury of complexity and messy hot water but I will get out of it. You want to know how I know I will? Because it's what people do. Allah always helps. It all becomes fine at a point. It'll all be fine and everything will work out. There's always a way or should I say, there's always an escape.

I know there are no special words being used in this letter but you can smell my hands on every word. I open up my chest and every word comes blunt from the heart. I know there is no excuse for what I did, but I strive. Every passing day is a day closer to our coming together. I know this letter is not near as good as any of my previous writings and I'll get the words again, but recently I have came across the belief that actions matter more than words. Maybe that's the explanation behind my not being able to use beautiful words but I'll find them. I always do. Take care of yourself.

Yours truly,
Hamza.

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