This is a quest.

We all have our moments, the moments when we crack down, broke open and tear ourselves apart. When the demons, monsters and villains inside flow out and wreck everything. It's not a pretty sight. It's disastrous. I might possibly be the calmest person I've ever known, been through depression, despair and helplessness so smoothly, but sometimes it gets hard. It gets hard to hold off everything I've been holding inside me, tolerating the same torture I go through everday with the best smile on my face and everybody thinking I am the happiest person alive. Maybe I am, a lot of times. I have been called lucky not that I deny it or anything. I am lucky, most of the times anyway. It gets really backbreaking and cruel to carry the burden of that beautiful smile. I have had my fair share of distractions and embarrassingly enough, I have to admit that I have not that upto productive use. Anyway, I am just getting carried away which is one of the principal reasons I stopped...

Before you read this meeting, I want you all to know that this whole meeting and scene is imaginary and I poured out every bit of my imagination into this. Thank you. It was all planned. It was scripted as far as I know. He drove out of his garage at 8 sharp as they had planned and God had planned the rest for them. He knew the drive would be the test of his patience and tolerance. There were knots tying in his stomach and butterflies running all over his body. He was anxious to meet her. It had been too damn long. He craved and she imagined it every second. And then this beautiful summer day came. It was hot but whoever cared about it. His hands were still shivering on the steering wheel. The guy who never sacrificed sleep for any person in the world was now wide awake with his heart beating crazy fast in the morning. These moments were rare. This adrenaline was even rarer. His idiosyncrasy and her enchantment was the most imperfect yet perfect match ever. It was amazing how he had ...

All the while I was angry and ablaze, Allah didn't help me. Nothing seemed to go my way because I was bad like that. I wasn't doing myself justice. I wasn't thinking straight. I kept yearning for help. I kept asking Him for help, but nothing came. I kept complaining why was this happening to me but no answer came. Not a single moment of relief. The bridges kept on burning, the storms kept raiding my houses and everything started fading away. As the misery grew, I gradually ceased caring and started wondering. I was seeking for relief while my own gates were closed. So there I started, opening them one by one so they can be of full use. I left the impatience out in the ocean and let it go. And almost miraculously, the storm passed. Everything was as calm as the ocean, including me. That was my moment, my moment of solace and relief and rescue and what not. Almost on cue the message from God came, "Everything is fine." I just smiled and said my prayers. Only God kno...

I had to write something. I have been burning and I need to spit this fire out. Past few days have not been really kind to me, but I do not complain. I am patient, or at least I try to be. I wanted to write a proper letter, to her, and to myself. But then I realized I always consider us a whole so why the individuality now? Dear Hamza, You have been very harsh on yourself lately. You have not been giving yourself the care and the love you deserve and it does not make me content. You have been blaming yourself for things you didn't really commit to and you have been admonishing yourself on acts you didn't realize the importance of. I know you have made mistakes, in fact a lot of them and you have wasted a lot of time recently, but it still does not mean that you start treating yourself like you never did anything good. You need to feel good, eat better and be happy. You need to work enough to make yourself satisfied. Yes, you have been misusing excessive time and you need ...

So they fought and fought and fought all day. It all started because of a meaningless argument which turned into a big exhibition of anger, frustation and annoyance. She hated the fact that he was almost never serious. He loved the fact that he could make her smile almost in any situation because of that one quality. While almost always, he worked himself out of trouble because of his wit and charm, he knew this time he wasn't getting off so easy. This time, he fought back instead of just holding it in. This time things didn't remain so pretty. So a couple of things were thrown by her which narrowly missed him while he stood there still. He growled back while she screamed. "WHY DON'T YOU EVER GROW UP? WHEN WILL YOU GET SERIOUS?" "WHEN WILL YOU GROW UP AND ACCEPT THE REALITY?" Probably never, he said to himself. Instead he lost himself there and left the home. He took the keys and drove away without looking back once. It was a first. For the fir...

With every cough, I feel one step closer to death. I am sick. I am hanging in the third realm, between death and life but it's not bad. It's definitely not bad because maybe I am feeling a little relieved. My head's spinning in circles but as I see things, they don't bother me anymore. I don't want the world to see me and I don't want to see it anymore. The only thing I want to see who remains is you. Now I feel like I was somebody clinging on to a branch of the tree that had already fallen. And now that I've let go, it does not feel that bad. In fact it does not feel bad at all, it feels good, it feels light. I can finally go on, live and live more. I can wander around in the palace that only exists in my mind. The place where there are flowers, gardens, peace and you. The place where these worries, the state of the mind, and the trouble doesn't exist. The place that doesn't even come close to the misgiving this world possesses.

Walking out of one of my dreams,  she stepped into reality, made even reality think twice about its realness.  Her arms, my weakness.  Making extremely beautiful things look absolutely ordinary, her Forte.  Changing different worlds simultaneously, she isn't a human, she's something else.  While even beginning to describe her astonishing physical beauty is even theoretically impossible,  trying to write about her sublime nature,  her inner purity,  the way she thinks and the exceptional soul she possesses is even yet harder.