This is a quest.

All the while I was angry and ablaze, Allah didn't help me. Nothing seemed to go my way because I was bad like that. I wasn't doing myself justice. I wasn't thinking straight. I kept yearning for help. I kept asking Him for help, but nothing came. I kept complaining why was this happening to me but no answer came. Not a single moment of relief. The bridges kept on burning, the storms kept raiding my houses and everything started fading away. As the misery grew, I gradually ceased caring and started wondering. I was seeking for relief while my own gates were closed. So there I started, opening them one by one so they can be of full use. I left the impatience out in the ocean and let it go. And almost miraculously, the storm passed. Everything was as calm as the ocean, including me. That was my moment, my moment of solace and relief and rescue and what not. Almost on cue the message from God came, "Everything is fine." I just smiled and said my prayers. Only God kno...

I had to write something. I have been burning and I need to spit this fire out. Past few days have not been really kind to me, but I do not complain. I am patient, or at least I try to be. I wanted to write a proper letter, to her, and to myself. But then I realized I always consider us a whole so why the individuality now? Dear Hamza, You have been very harsh on yourself lately. You have not been giving yourself the care and the love you deserve and it does not make me content. You have been blaming yourself for things you didn't really commit to and you have been admonishing yourself on acts you didn't realize the importance of. I know you have made mistakes, in fact a lot of them and you have wasted a lot of time recently, but it still does not mean that you start treating yourself like you never did anything good. You need to feel good, eat better and be happy. You need to work enough to make yourself satisfied. Yes, you have been misusing excessive time and you need ...