This is a quest.

So I decided to sleep after all but not before I write this for you people. Oh, who am I kidding, I am just writing this for myself on a public place of course. So, this is kind of a letter and I am pouring myself onto a piece of digital paper. I drown in an infinity hole whenever we fight. I become numb. I start feeling nothing. I am in a deep circle of nothingness. My mind seems to just stop working and pounding hard against my forehead. I don't think things. I can't. I just have to get this out of my friend, and I don't have any other way. Dark, long trees of numbness surround me and I have nowhere to go. I am lost. And there is nobody to guide me, nobody to take my hand and get me out. The only person whom I had expected to be here, with me, in these forest to take my hand and show me the way out is in a forest of their own. This is kind of a vision quest, something that'd show me what I want and how I want it but the thing is my mind becomes too numb to think ...

This is something I wrote not so long ago. And I woke up with a gaping hole in my heart and a rising pain in my chest. Heavy eyelids, red eyes, tired eyes, arising pain, oh the regrets. These all were the mere regrets of a night. What I should have and what I shouldn't have done. It was merely a gamble which turned out too big. Sometimes the other person's tolerance is the only thing you overestimate. Sometimes you are not that strong like you think. While I write these words, my stomach's misbehaving and I don't know what to do. I finally know the meaning of the phrase 'Crying myself to sleep'. Don't judge or anything but I feel really weak and fragile right now. Like I'd disappear if anyone merely put a finger on me even. Yes, that weak. By far, I mean it, by very far, this is the weakest and most helpless I have ever felt.